Anger Management...

I am pretty sure that the person that came up with the playful, comforting rhyme "sticks and stones may break my bones..." did not really mean it. I think they knew darn well that words do hurt and sometimes with more devastating consequences than a bruise, scrape or fracture.

I am sitting here boiling mad. I ate my dinner without even tasting it. I toiled around on FB a while, looking for pseudocybercomfort playing games and chatting with people that remind me that there are wonderful people in the world. I feel like crying.

Many of you who know me are now saying "gee Barb, you almost always feel like crying" and it is true. I cry for a number of reasons in any given moment. I cry when I am frightened when I am climbing. I cry when I am tired of hiking. I cry when I cannot contain my pride in my children because they are such outstanding people. I cry when I look out at the ocean and I am in awe of its intense beauty. I cry when I am frustrated. In myself, or others.

Today, someone used amazingly foul and abusive language against me and my family. When I tried to explain how offensive the language was I was given this explanation:

"People say mean things, Bad stuff happens. You just have to get used to it"

Yes, sure. His logic was impeccable. I have a feeling, perhaps more than just a feeling, that in his life people say mean things and bad things happen and you get used to it. In my world, people say mean things. Bad things happen. But I refuse to "get used to it". Getting used to it means letting it happen. Why try to improve on anything at all if dealing with bad stuff is as simple as "getting used to it"? I am not the strongest person around (hence all that crying) but I feel strongly about this. Right now I am fighting mad. The situation escalated when he thought I called him a word typically used in the cellblock to refer to a, um, lets just say Newbie. I assure you, I did not. I did have some choice words lingering in my psyche, but I like my job and regardless of behavior would not use those words in front of minors. He probably hears those things way too often anyway.

Yes, I understand his life sucks. Yes, I know he has issues he is dealing with but No, I am not willing to let this slide. It is time he became "used to" the consequences of his actions. I, on the other hand, will never get used to anyone using words of disrespect.

My shame is that I know I have been just as disrespectful in my words and actions as he. I have my own fears and in my fear and ignorance have formed my own prejudice. As I grow I come to recognize this and I am working on it. It wasnt until this year that my daughter taught me the importance of not using the "R" word.

Words can hurt. Often, it is those hurtful words that cause the sticks and stones to be thrown. Now obviously I am not the type to start smacking people around (not anymore anyway), but I'm not going to let this go quite so easily. I just need to think of some way to spin this. Currently, I am too mad, too sad, to think of how...