moving on...

Time is so capricious. Some moments racing by us, a blur; a numbing, nauseating ride forcing us to wonder if we've just overloaded with emotion or perhaps we have nothing left. Some moments drag by, slow motion, bidding us to pay attention and yet, leaving us feeling helpless, hopeless, detached.

I have been spending the last several months, if not years, trying to find the bliss of living in the moment. Not tied to, bound by, lingering in my past. (cue Glory Days by Bruce Springsteen or even Stuck in a Moment by U2) Not lead by, .by, crippled by, racing for my future. Just living, breathing, knowing each moment. Loving it, or hating it, for what it is. I feel the practice of this allows me to learn from and release my failures more quickly, and rejoice but not revel too long in my successes. I can be prone to being too boastful and pride often drives me. Both instances often lead to hurt feelings or egos, lowered self esteem and a strong yearn to bicker. I am prone to bickering.

Anyhoo- this past week has left me feeling massively out of control and the Time has really had his way with me. I needed to get back into some sort of groove. I went back to work. Even in it's most tense, chaotic moments it was wonderful. Certainly, there were instances that wouldn't be part of every day Reynolds Middle School. Secret Snowman gifts left in my mailbox, overdosing on chocolate before lunch, stuff like that. But then, there were some things that were delightfully RMS: hugs from friends, brilliant smiles to greet me, sweet students "checking in" on me throughout the day, overdosing on chocolate before lunch :) A sixth grader came to see me first thing this morning. She quietly walked in and then smiled shyly. "I missed you"( I'm sure she meant she missed Kieran, her teacher, not sure why she would miss the Testing Lady) but she was adorable and sincere. After asking for a hug she stepped back and said "I'm so sorry about what happened to you and Mr. Casey's house". I could have cried, I was so proud of her.

Currently, Kieran and I are attempting to inventory what was left in the house by the cleaning crew. We were told that they would take anything they felt they could clean, fix, refurbish, de-smoke. They would leave behind whatever should be claimed as too damaged or non-cleanable. There was more left behind than we imagined. Here is where Time and my Psyche like to play games. One moment I am mourning the loss of something like a box of Christmas decorations and the next I am looking forward to being less burdened with too much "stuff". I feel able to release my possessions and anticipate the Feng Shui like process of redesigning my life. I still want to go through that box of Christmas ornaments...(so much for letting go). We should be moving into the rental house this weekend...

Right now, I think I'll go grab dinner and then head to Parkrose High School for the Choir concert. It's time to live in the moment.